Joy!

My PT told me today that my knee looked really good--"ready for surgery today", in fact! She said my range of motion is fully restored and my muscle tone looks great. Ahhhhh, it felt so good to hear that! I've been putting in a lot of work to get ready for surgery, and it was nice to have a vote of confidence that eventually, I'm going to more or less get back to where I started.

I realize I sound extremely dramatic saying this, but I feel like this experience has shifted my perspective significantly. I guess you could say I've always been on pretty good terms with my body, so it's been a real shock to suddenly feel like we have a semi-adversarial relationship. This is the first time I've ever experienced such absolute limitations, and it's been very humbling.

I guess ultimately it will probably turn out to be a good thing. Whatever doesn't kill us, or something like that... It's been frustrating trying to accept my limitations, but I think in the end it will make me more disciplined. Already, I feel like my priorities have shifted significantly. Example: I used to go to happy hour with my coworkers semi-religiously, but now I have zero interest in any kind of socializing after work that will keep me from the gym. All I want to do after work every day is spend time on the exercise bike. Above all, I want to take care of myself. I want to work out, eat well, and get enough sleep, because I know that's what my body needs. Of course there will always be exceptions, but I find it a lot easier to motivate myself to get to the gym and to cook healthy dinners these days.

Or maybe this will only last while I'm rehabbing. Maybe I'll go back to my lazy, drinking-too-much self as soon as I get the verdict that my knee is ready for full activity. And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing either... I guess it doesn't have to be a life-changing experience. It could just be a shitty thing that happened, and sucked for awhile.