My browser right now...

...has about 12 job search windows open. Yep, still hate it. I CAN'T WAIT to quit. I am soooooo sick of endlessinterminableforeverneverending meetings about data analysis, and sick of "co-planning" that is all telling me to do things differently but no support, and sick of 60 hour weeks plus coming home to do more work... I feel like I'm such a bitter, angry person lately and I can't snap out of it! I just need to sleep... And to breathe... And to tell them I'm not coming back next year... I don't know if the job market will be better next year, or if I'll be able to find anything given that I won't be done with my degree, but I'm very much willing to throw caution to the wind at this point. And if I wind up in another Cravath-esque job for a year, so be it, but at least it will be with an end in sight.

I don't understand how my coworkers are so gung-ho about working there. They're all brainwashed. But then--and I realize everyone probably feels this way, but I really think it's true in my case--I have the worst class load imaginable. If I taught the same thing 5 periods a day, that would be one thing... but I teach four different classes, so I am just swamped with planning all the time.

I always wonder what would happen if I started crying in the middle of a class. Would I get to go home for the day? Would it be worth it? I think I may be on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I feel like all my nerves are stretched tight, and I can't sleep, and I'm getting wrinkles and my hair is probably going to be grey by the end of the year.

Anxiety. Counting seconds until vacation. Bitterness. Sigh...