So now I'm approaching graduation, and while that should be very exciting, lately I've been filled with more anxiety and dread than enthusiasm. The Department of Education is still waiting on the final verdict about funding for next year. Massive layoffs? Last-minute bailout from the state? Either way, it looks like this will be the third year in a row that the Board of Education won't be hiring any general education teachers. The good news is that no matter what, they won't be laying of special education teachers, and in fact they will probably be hiring in that area. But as a new teacher with no head teaching experience (on my resume, at least) and a glut of qualified teachers flooding the market (did I mention the total number of DOE schools to be shuttered next year is now at 27?) my special education prospects are not rosy.
I want a job in a public school. I've decided based on my own experience and that of everyone I know who has worked in a charter that charter life is not for me. For one, I don't believe in the movement. I think we should be focusing our energy and funding on improving public schools rather than dumping funds into risky speculation, especially given that charters are systems that can't be replicated outside of the isolated snow globes that are charter schools (see this article for a much more articulate explanation than I could provide about why that is). Also, I'm yet to hear of a charter school that does special education well, not to mention all the other issues surrounding quality of life and sustainability. Finally, I'm not interested in being part of an educational experiment anymore. As a first-year teacher, I think it's particularly important that I work for people who know what they're doing, and who will let me get my feet on the ground before imposing a lot of arbitrary and meaningless standards around minutiae that don't affect my classroom practice at all, which was very much my experience at my last job. I'm still suffering PTSD from that school. I still wake up from anxiety dreams with my heart racing and my mind in a panic on a regular basis. I think accepting that position and leaving my old job is the single greatest regret of my life so far--and that's coming from a girl with a lot of regrets. Anyway, it's made me picky at a time when maybe I can't afford to be picky.
I know it's early and I shouldn't be freaking out about this yet. But I can't help feeling devastated when I think about the fact that I'm finishing my Master's this summer and I may still end up back in the same sort of job that inspired me to get my Master's in the first place because I was so desperate to get out of it. Oh, the irony... I wonder if I'd make more as a secretary with a Master's degree, even if it was unrelated to the field? I hope so, given that I'm going to have a shitload of loans to pay off this time around. *Sigh*
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it is a very realistic possibility that I won't be working in a school next year. I'm clearly not at peace with it yet, since I feel like crying just typing those words. It's truly out of my power right now, given that I've sent out over 20 resumes, and the Board of Ed doesn't have a SINGLE JOB in elementary special education on their website right now. There's no sense in getting depressed about things I can't control. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on finishing my classes and my thesis. For that soon-to-be-irrelevant Master's degree. Right.
